Six-year-old David stood in front of his closet, a look of distress on his face. Today was a special day; his family planned a visit to do trapeze a long-awaited adventure. However, there was a crucial problem: David’s beloved blue pants, his ticket to bravery, were nowhere to be found.
The room echoed with the rustling of clothes David’s parents searched through the closet, drawers, and laundry basket. Each passing minute escalated David’s anxiety, and his desperation transformed into frustration. Suddenly, a wave of disappointment crashed over him, and he crumpled to the floor, tears streaming down his face. Clutching his knees, he began to wail, expressing his distress at the missing pants that held the power to turn an ordinary day into fun..
His parents, understanding the significance of those pants, tried to console him. “We can find another cool pair for today,” his mom suggested, holding out a vibrant alternative. But for David, it wasn’t just about any pants; it was about the comfort and courage instilled by his blue pair. The tantrum continued, his cries echoing through the house, as the family navigated the delicate task of finding a solution that would preserve the excitement of the trapeze visit while respecting David’s unwavering attachment to his blue pants.
Take two
Six-year-old David frantically searched for his blue pants. The much-anticipated trapeze visit hung in the balance, and the realization that his favorite pants were missing triggered a storm of emotions. As David’s frustration escalated into a full-blown tantrum, his parents, taking a deep breath, approached the situation with empathy and understanding.
David’s mom crouched down beside him, gently saying, “Oh, I’m sorry you can’t find your blue pants. That’s disappointing. Can you tell me what you like about those pants? I want to understand you better. What do they mean to you?” David, amidst his tears, managed to express, “I just love them.” His mom, continuing the conversation, asked, “Do they make you feel calm, safe, or brave?”
David, unable to find an answer, shook his head. Sensing his distress, his dad chimed in, “I know it’s hard when you can’t find something you really love that helps you. Can we try another way to make you feel safe? Do you have any ideas?” David, still fixated on the missing pants, insisted, “No, I just want the pants.” David’s mom, softly said, “I understand that these clothes are really important to you. Let’s talk about why they mean so much.”
David’s parents navigated the storm of emotions. “Your feelings matter, and we can work together to address the clothes situation in a way that works better,” his mom reassured. As David’s frustration gradually subsided, his parents introduced the idea of saying goodbye to the missing pants and finding out where they might have gone. Maybe they went on there own adventure. Through a game of “I’m gonna catch you,” hugs, and reassurances, David’s parents shifted the focus from the missing pants to alternative solutions, turning what could have been a battleground into an opportunity for connection and understanding.
More Things to say :
I am sorry your pants were misplaced, I’m sorry for the disappointment you’re feeling.Can you please tell me why these pants are important for you? What feelings do they help you with?
Do you feel braver or safe or calm? If their response seems elusive as in “I just love them! You could say “Could it be that these pants give you a sense of calm, safety, or bravery ?
Can you tell me about those feelings? I see how hard it can be when something you deeply love seems out of reach.
Can we search for different ways to find that feeling of safety? I’m open to your ideas, let’s brainstorm together for other solutions. This could be a fun game !!!
I understand the disappointment of not having the right pants for this occasion. How about I offer you a comforting hug and a quick game of (chase away the hard feelings)?
OR WHAT about this: MAYBE your pants went on a fun journey of their own. What if we bid them a temporary goodbye and farewell?
Maybe we can discover the mission they might be on. Could they be on a quest of some kind? What Ideas do you have, what are they searching for?
Alternatively, we could engage in a game of “I’m gonna catch you,” sprinkled with an abundance of BIG hugs to create bravery and safety.
I know it is disappointing when our wishes remain unfulfilled. Instead of fighting or tantrums, I propose we work together to find ways for me to help you with the big feelings and disappointment you’re experiencing.
Techniques: Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT):
“I understand that these clothes are genuinely significant to you. Let’s delve into why they hold such importance.”
“It’s perfectly okay to feel upset. What thoughts are swirling in your mind right now? Let’s navigate these emotions together.”
“I can perceive that finding the right pants is of utmost importance to you, and the disappointment is palpable. Can we chart a course to resolve this without resorting to conflict?”
“Let’s strike a balance here. Your feelings matter, and together, we can navigate the clothing situation in a way that feels more harmonious.”
“It appears there’s a strong attachment to these pants. That’s undoubtedly challenging. How about we explore some alternative options that may be available right now?”
Once a week when you have time do the Feeling Town Maps. Children of all ages seem to like to fill it out. It helps the sort out many feelings. You can download it here.
