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Dear Mom and Dad : it’s not that I want to break things!

IMG_5878-150x148And it’s not that I purposely trying to miss behave. I really do want to behave, I do want to listen to you, but sometimes you tell me every second of every minute of every day what to do, who could listen to that.

Would you be able to handle that if someone told you what to do every minute? Daddy, I see you get annoyed every time mommy tries to tell you what to do? Ha ha yes I know I’m 4, but I do see things.

You always saying to me, please behave, I would if I could, I want to listen to you but then something happens to me and takes over my body. It’s just that I’m not old enough and I don’t have the words to tell you what’s bothering me, so my behavior is telling you what’s bothering me.

I need you to understand that my behavior is communicating and telling you what’s wrong ,but I don’t know what’s wrong, and I don’t know how to tell you, so you have to help me .

You have to say “maybe your feelings are hurt” and I’ll say “no it’s nothing”.

You have to say “maybe you’re angry” and I’ll say “I don’t know” , you have to help me and I’ll probably be years before I could figure out what I’m feeling .

But you have to keep trying till I am 10 and then I can tell you once in a while.
But I’m young now and need to learn my feelings words .

And you will know you guessed the right feeling if my mood or my behavior gets better or my expression changes.

Then you will know that you got it right.

I wish I could just say what I’m feeling, I wish I could know what I was feeling, but even adults don’t know what they feel a lot of the time.

You wouldn’t expect me to all of a sudden just know how to read without teaching me,right? So I am not going to know how I feel and then on top of that know how to tell you .

Please teach me , but maybe you don’t know how to teach me about my feelings, do you know how?

Try the books Listen To Me Please  And My Feelings are Hungry 

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Be a Behavior Detective using Time-In Parenting and Emotional Intelligence to Improve Behavior

If your child is overeating or misbehaving try a behavior-food-mood makeover using the anacronym P.L.E.A.S.E (in addition to  the conversation starters in the books and song “My Feelings are Hungry” and “Hungry Feelings not Hungry Tummy” for children and parents on Amazon. 

                         P is for play: Play together more, including imaginative games.

                         L is for love: Spend more quality time together. Children may appear to tolerate a parent who is unavailable, very anxious, overworked or distracted but they often medicate those difficult feelings with food.

                          E is for emotions: Have empathy for your kid’s feelings, i.e. “I’m sorry that happened.” Educate your family on emotional intelligence by consulting with an expert to uncover hidden feelings. Remember that healthy feelings lead to healthy eating.

                          A is for activity: Be more active daily, increasing the amount of xercise you and your children get.walk and talk bike and talk etc 

                          S is for silence: Listen more, talk less, pay attention to your child’s clues  and be in the moment. When you speak, keep it positive by demonstrating new skills instead of resorting to punishment and control.

                          E is for eat healthy: Weight Watchers and Overeaters Anonymous are great places to learn!

Try Exchanging these Old Thoughts:

“It’s hopeless.” “They hate me.”

“I am always upset.”

“You never play with me.”

“I always fail.”

“I am not good at anything.” “Things are always so hard.”

“Things never work out.”

New thoughts :

“I will feel better.”

“Disagreements happen. We’ll move past it soon.”

“Stories and hugs make me feel calm.” “In the morning we will play again

and have fun.”

“It will be great when I do well.”

“I will do my best and try hard.” “Wouldn’t it be nice if things

got easier?”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if things started working out?”